• kristinatimbrook21

The Victim Triangle

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is staying healthy and being safe in this crazy world we all live in. 2020 has thrown lots of curve balls our way and I know it's knocked down a lot of people with losing jobs, and losing homes. It's very scary when you don't know where everything is leading to with all of this. The only thing we can do is carry ourselves in a positive manner and push through it. I have been taking courses to further advance my knowledge for my business and I'd love to share some things with you guys.

So Let's begin with one of the biggest issues lots of families face!

The victim triangle has 3 points:

1- The victim: Poor Me! Powerless, hopeless, stuck

2- The rescuer: Poor you! Let me help- enabler, pain reliever, keeps victim dependent

3- The persecutor: It's all your fault! Critical, blaming, controlling, superior

The reason that learning this is so important is, we all know someone who always blames everyone else for all of their problems and failures and they do nothing themselves to change and do better.

We also all know someone who is the rescuer, and the persecutor. Whether it be with family or friends it's time to start breaking those habits so everyone can move on and better themselves. When you are thinking of the past all of the time and all the bad things that have happened you're just living today but your brain is stuck in the past so you will never grow or change. You can't see the future if your only seeing your past. Everyone goes through hardships at one point in their lives regardless of how much money you have or race you are, etc. The triangle can be very tortures if your stuck in it and some people don't want to change because they feed off the attention and sympathy that they get from others and the attention drives them. That's why the other parts of the triangle are so important because, the victim can't change if people enable them to the point where they never have to because they know it gets them attention. I'm going to tell you a little story about me. I struggled for a very long time in my teenage years to where I was angry at everyone, and honestly I didn't care what happened to me. I blamed my parents especially my mom for everything bad that had happened to me because she wasn't there to stop it. I started drinking, I started smoking pot, I was hanging out with the wrong crowd for awhile as well. I just didn't want to be alive. I was miserable and I made those around me miserable. It was hard to get out of that funk because, people would give me attention and I finally felt like I was being heard but in reality that wasn't the right way to do that. I had to take responsibility for my own life and I had to accept my past and forgive those who have hurt me not for them but for me so I could move on. I have hurt people as well in the process of me trying to figure out who I am and how I was going to move on and just truly be happy. I made my mistakes as well and I felt horrible for a very long time for that as well. One day I finally realized that I can't sit and do nothing, I needed to learn from my mistakes and move on and better myself. I came to the conclusion that people might judge me for my past and because I'm at peace with all of that I'll make it through that. People can change and can grow. I am on the other side of that aspect of my life and I thank god everyday for that. If I didn't get out of that victim triangle I wouldn't be alive today.

If this is something you can relate to and your stuck in this cycle I want you to ask yourself why your not doing anything to get out of it? Ask yourself what are steps I can take to move forward in life and begin to heal? Once you answer those questions then do something about it. We can only understand ourselves, once we're aware of ourselves.

It's very important to take responsibility for your own life. Not everyone grows up in healthy and happy homes. I know I didn't. It's just a matter of what are you going to do so you don't end up in similar situations. The cycle can end with you but you have to realize that you're not the only one experiencing hardships and you can't always be negative. You will only make yourself and those around you miserable alongside with you and trust me you don't want to do that. So break the cycle, better yourself, stop blaming everyone else for where you are today. You're in control of your emotions, and your choices so make good choices and move on. No one else can do it but you. So be the change you want to see.

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